Warning: May cause extreme satisfaction

Don't know what you want? I do!

Professional software development with a side of mind-reading. I turn your "I think I need something like..." into actual working software. Project rescue, delivery, and translating business speak into code since 2015.

client-requirements.js

> client.requirements

"I want it to be like Uber, but for dogs, with AI, blockchain, and it should read minds"

✓ Translated to: "You need a web app"
STATUS: Making it happen...

100+

Projects

99%

Happy

24/7

Coffee

Why Work With Me?

Because your project deserves someone who actually knows what they're doing

Requirement Translation

I speak fluent 'business requirements' and can translate 'make it pop' into actual features. No decoder ring needed.

Project Rescue Operations

Your previous developer vanished? Code looks like it was written by caffeinated squirrels? I've seen worse. Probably.

Coffee-Powered Development

Fueled by an unhealthy amount of caffeine and an even unhealthier obsession with clean code. Results may vary based on coffee quality.

Actually Meets Deadlines

I know, it's shocking. But I've mastered the dark art of realistic time estimation (hint: multiply by 3, then add a buffer).

Full-Stack Everything

From database optimization to pixel-perfect frontends. If it runs on electricity and frustrates people, I can probably fix it.

Launch & Beyond

I don't just build it and vanish into the ether. Your project actually gets deployed, monitored, and maintained. Revolutionary, I know.

Lightning Fast

Performance optimization that makes your app faster than your users can complain about it being slow.

Built with Love

Every line of code is crafted with care (and a healthy dose of sarcasm). Your project deserves nothing less.

Lightning Fast

Performance optimization that makes your app faster than your users can complain about it being slow.

Built with Love

Every line of code is crafted with care (and a healthy dose of sarcasm). Your project deserves nothing less.

How I Can Help

Real solutions for real problems (and some imaginary ones too)

Project Rescue
When your app is held together by prayers and deprecated libraries
  • •Legacy code refactoring
  • •Bug extermination service
  • •Performance CPR
  • •Documentation archaeology
  • •'It worked yesterday' investigations
Full Project Delivery
From 'I have this idea' to 'Look what I built!' (you take the credit)
  • •Requirements decryption
  • •Architecture that won't haunt you
  • •Code you can actually maintain
  • •Testing (yes, actual tests!)
  • •Deployment without drama
Ongoing Development
Because software is never really 'done' (that's job security talking)
  • •Feature development (the fun ones)
  • •Bug fixes (the not-so-fun ones)
  • •Performance optimization
  • •Security updates
  • •Scale when you go viral
Consulting & Advisory
When you need someone to tell you what you already suspect
  • •Code review & audits
  • •Architecture consultation
  • •Technology stack therapy
  • •Team mentoring & training
  • •'Should we use AI?' interventions

Also Available

API Development

RESTful or GraphQL APIs that actually make sense

DevOps & CI/CD

Automated deployments that work on more than just my machine

Team Augmentation

Temporary genius for hire when your team needs backup

Performance Optimization

Making slow apps fast and fast apps ridiculously fast

Investment Options

Transparent pricing because surprise invoices are scarier than production bugs

Emergency Room
For when your app is on fire and you need someone who won't panic (visibly)
$150/hour
  • Immediate bug triage
  • Production firefighting
  • Calm under pressure (mostly)
  • Stack traces decoded
  • Root cause therapy session
  • Emergency hotfixes
  • Weekend availability
Most Popular
MVP Project
Get your idea to market fast with a solid foundation that won't embarrass you
$10,000- $30,000
  • Core feature development
  • User authentication system
  • Database design & setup
  • Basic admin panel
  • Mobile-responsive design
  • Essential integrations
  • Deployment & hosting setup
  • 2 weeks post-launch support
Full Project
Complete platform with all the bells, whistles, and scalability you'll need
$40,000+
  • Complete feature suite
  • Advanced user management
  • Analytics & reporting
  • Payment processing
  • API development
  • Performance optimization
  • Security implementation

Happy Humans

Real feedback from real clients who survived their projects

"Found our app held together with console.logs and hope. Three weeks later, we have actual error handling and tests. I can sleep again."

SC

Sarah Chen

CTO at StartupThatActuallyShips

"Explained what I wanted using interpretive dance and napkin sketches. Somehow got exactly what I needed. 10/10 mind reading skills."

MR

Marcus Rodriguez

Founder at YetAnotherSaaS

"Inherited a codebase that looked like it was written during a fever dream. Now it's clean, documented, and my team doesn't cry anymore."

EW

Emily Watson

Lead Dev at BigCorpInc

"Actually said no to my terrible ideas AND explained why. Built what we needed, not what I thought I wanted. Revolutionary concept."

DK

David Kim

Product Manager at FeatureFactory

"Our app went viral and didn't crash. I repeat: DIDN'T CRASH. Still processing this miracle. Also, the code makes sense to our new hires."

LT

Lisa Thompson

CEO at ScaleOrDie

"Migrated our jQuery spaghetti to React without breaking production once. Used actual git commits instead of 'asdfasdf'. True professional."

JL

James Liu

Tech Lead at ModernizeEverything

"Delivered an MVP that actually impressed investors. The code is so clean, I almost feel bad asking for new features. Almost."

AP

Anna Petrov

Founder at AppStartup

"Rescued our project from the ninth circle of dependency hell. Now our build time is measured in seconds, not coffee breaks."

TA

Tom Anderson

CTO at TechCorp

Join the ranks of satisfied clients

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